Review: Diamond Heist

Diamond Heist is a classic case of mis-marketing. I mean I don't think I was wrong to expect a heist involving diamonds in a movie called Diamond Heist but there you have it. There is no payoff to the film's title. That being said, the film is originally title Magic Boys and is a fairly terrible crime comedy.

Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones lend their names for a paycheck and a paycheck only. Madsen is particularly phoning it in, half the time he seems drunk. The story opens with Madsen--in the role of Terence, an eccentric strip-club tycoon and diamond smuggler--smashing a yogurt buffet in the restaurant of the posh London hotel where he lives. A running joke is that he is lactose intolerant and has dreams of opening up his own goat milk yogurt company. If you find that amusing, you may find more to like than I did.



The film juggles a lot of plots and characters but the central story is this. Two male strippers, The Magic Boys, end up disappearing. Madsen needs replacements. Vinnie Jones wants to get back at Madsen so decides to send two spies as the strippers. These guys are morons and miss the plane. In their place are two Hungarian losers who after witnessing Jones kill a man, need to escape.

The comedy tries to stem from the two schlubs that have to pretend to be strippers. The actors try their best but the screenwriters seem to think putting to regular guys in thongs is enough to get laughs. The movie tries to get cute and charming here and there, with one of the Hungarian guys getting a small, underdeveloped love story.

It's tough to tell exactly where the film goes wrong. The marketing doesn't help as one expects way more action when the film has comedy on its mind. The humor isn't routed in characters and thus falls flat, like a 10 year old recreating The Full Monty.

2/5