Review: "Two-Headed Shark Attack"

The other night I was browsing through Netflix when I stumbled across a little film called Two-Headed Shark Attack. Naturally, I was drawn to it. My biggest complaint with the Jaws series is that those films, despite how ridiculous they got, never gave us a two-headed shark! Finally, some thirty plus years after that franchise came to a close, the good folks over at The Asylum have came through and delivered on what I've always wanted, a two-headed shark!

The Asylum spared no expense with this one rounding up an all-star cast featuring Carmen Electra, Brooke Hogan, and Charlie O'Connell (that's right Charlie, not Jerry).

My man Charlie plays Professor Babbish, because that makes sense, and he's out in the open water teaching a semester at sea class. Along with him is his wife, played by Electra, who also happens to be a doctor. Obviously. Then there's a bunch of dumb, idiot college kids to which Hogan is part of.
Their boat breaks down when a dead shark gets stuck in the propeller.

This causes damage to the ship's hull which leads to the ship taking on water. Off in the distance a small island is spotted and the Professor decides to get all the kids into the ship's lifeboats and head to the island to look for scrap metal to repair the boat.

The hunt for scrap metal comes up empty handed and to make matters worse the island begins to have earthquakes which is causing it to sink. The kids try to head back to the ship but the two-headed shark begins picking them off two at a time.

Brooke's shining moment

Eventually everyone except for Hogan, some dude and some girl are killed off. At this point both the ship and island have sank and these three are swimming around trying to avoid the mutated shark. Luckily a gasoline canister floats by and they have a lighter. The girl that isn't Hogan decides to selflessly sacrifice her life to blow up the shark and save the others. I thought this was very symbolic of how the actors in this film selflessly sacrificed their movie "careers" to be part of this groundbreaking film.

The idiot girl ends up killing herself while only blowing up the shark's right head. Then it's the left head. Then right. Then left. Then right. Apparently the filmmakers couldn't decide which head they wanted to blow up so they just had it alternate in between shots.

The shark ends up dying in a way I've already forgotten and Brooke and the boy are left to drown out in the open water. Oh, but wait a helicopter suddenly appears to save them. The end.

Is there a lot of good here? Depends on your definition of good.. The acting, the dialogue, the digital effects, the few practical effects, everything is less than good. Brooke Hogan in particular stood out for her horrible acting abilities. She wishes she had her dad's acting talent, which is something no one should ever wish for.

What is good however is the idea of a two-headed shark. And the fun factor. Because this movie is tons of fun. It's tons of stupid. But tons of fun. Watch it. You probably won't enjoy it, but you might. Just turn your brain off and kick back. There are plenty of laughs and while most might not seem intentional, I'm pretty sure the filmmakers knew what they were doing. You don't take this stuff seriously. You just enjoy it for what it is. Quality schlock.


written by Christopher Coffel